Tahira Hassan

Have you ever bent over backwards simply to please people in your life?  Were you too afraid of disappointing people so your put yourself last?

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 I am not sure about you but for the longest time I worried about what people thought of me. Whether they liked me or not. I obsessed over not upsetting them and so saying 'No' would be so hard for me.

 

As a result, my authentic voice and 'self' drowned amongst opinions and needs of others and I lost touch with the real 'me'. It started to show up adversely at home, at work and in my social life too. I had so many dreams to fulfil but my negative thoughts and self-deprecating beliefs took me hostage and I began playing small and became almost invisible.

 

I tried many things, because I wasn’t prepared to give up. I wrote positive affirmations denying my unhelpful beliefs.  I stuck these on my bathroom mirror, above the kitchen stove and at my workstation. Every few days I would come up with newer affirmations.

 

But I knew these were band-aid measures which only lifted me in the moment. The very next minute my mind would mock me saying 'you don’t believe that, do you?' I knew something needed to change as I couldn’t go on like that. It was costing me career opportunities and my relationships too. So as a next step, I started listening to some expert podcasts that would charge me up briefly but when things would get real, I would totally shrink to accommodate others. I was beginning to get frustrated. Finally a friend suggested that I should see a professional for help. Seeking counselling was unthinkable. It was taboo. I couldn’t imagine opening up to a stranger ever. Sharing my inner most thoughts and being vulnerable sounded terrifying. But the cost of not doing anything was also unbearable so I took the leap of faith that took enormous amounts of courage. I found a great counsellor who helped me in my growth and reset journey. It was clunky initially, as I was so sceptical and then I came around it. I began to discover aspects of myself that I hadn’t known. I began to come alive to my values and what I stood for and it was so refreshing. I learnt some techniques to let go of unhelpful thoughts and live a meaningful life. Slowly I began reclaiming my authentic self. It didn’t happen overnight but there was so much I learnt along the way and for that I am ever so grateful.

 

I always knew this was no way to live my one precious life and I wanted to make the most of it. I have learnt to reign in my own demons as I have come to choose this life of being a trained Counsellor whilst helping so many women who could be struggling.

 

I hope my journey resonates with you and gives you hope that change is possible if you give yourself a chance.

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Tahira

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